The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
