if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
