Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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