Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
