Define "chronic" masturbator.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
