i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
