My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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