i think my tv is drunk
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
