this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
