So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
