I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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