Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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