I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
