Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
