I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
