I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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