I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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