Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
