You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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