We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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