I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
