"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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