we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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