rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
