So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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