Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
