Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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