i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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