the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
