he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
