I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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