The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
