You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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