I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
