i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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