do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
