Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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