I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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