is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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