I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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