i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We need to get me chipped asap
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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