Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
