I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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