Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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