Operation Purity has been aborted
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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