In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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