chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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