bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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