I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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