Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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