Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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