your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
