I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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