he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
