I feel like abortions should bother me more
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
