You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
