One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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