I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
