If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
