youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize