Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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