I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
