And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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