And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
