made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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