I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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