i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
