Plan B is the new Plan A
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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