you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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