Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
