mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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