seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
