I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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